5 Reasons it’s Fun to be Single on Valentine’s Day

14 Feb

1) FREE DRINKS

Don’t have a guy to take you to dinner? No problem. Grab 2 or 3 of your hottest gal pals and go to the nearest upscale bar.

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2) WATCH ANYTHING YOU WANT ON TV

Maybe you’re over your ex hogging your remote. Turn on the worst reality programs you can think of and indulge!

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3) HAVE SATISFYING SEX FOR ONCE

That’s right. If your ex wasn’t as “giving” in bed as you were, get a new toy and practice self-love.

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4) SAVE YOUR MONEY

That’s right. You don’t have to buy anyone a present.

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5) YOU’RE AVAILABLE TO MEET MR. OR MS. “RIGHT”

Whether you are newly single, or have been single for awhile, remind yourself that at least you’re available to meet someone new – and not tied down to the wrong person.

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Have something to add to our list? Awesome. Leave a comment!

How To Bounce Back From an Office Breakup in 7 Steps

23 Feb

Melysha J. Acharya, author of The Breakup Workbook, was quoted in this article published by US News.

Becoming romantically linked with a co-worker seemed like a good idea at the time. After all, the two of you were hardly a rare breed in testing the interoffice dating waters. According to a recent CareerBuilder survey, nearly 40 percent of workers say they have dated a co-worker at least once over the course of their career.

But now after months of dating, things haven’t panned out. The potential for workplace awkwardness is rife, not only for you and your former flame, but for colleagues and higher-ups as well. Here are some steps you can take to mitigate the emotional damage and keep things cordial and professional around the office.

1. Little strategy, big difference. The breakup was a big to-do, but the recovery doesn’t have to be. If the sight of your ex at work conjures painful memories, implement small-scale changes to limit or eliminate run-ins. “Whether you park in a different parking lot, arrive earlier/leave later than [normal] (so you don’t run into your ex outside the building), or change the place where you eat lunch, small schedule changes can help make the day easier,” wrote M.J. Acharya, a breakup recovery expert and author of The Breakup Workbook, in an email.

If physical distance is unavoidable or your former mate happens to be your boss, a more drastic measure like expending built-up vacation time may be called for, Acharya adds.

2. Make work your new mate. Fall in love all over again, only this time with something lacking the capacity to emotionally hurt you: your job. Let the sight of your desk, computer screen, and a hefty pile of reports bring butterflies to your stomach. Lose yourself in your work and reorient your thoughts around the central reason you’re there—to be productive and earn a paycheck.

“The most helpful thing is for you to concentrate on what your goals are, and concentrate on achieving those goals,” says Connie Thanasoulis, co-founder of the career coaching organization SixFigureStart. “And you’re going to have to try and separate yourself from the emotional component.”

3. Make email a ‘no love’ filter. Since in-person discussions of a non-work nature have been banned, your one-time love may cling to email as a way to flirt and discuss your once-promising relationship. If this happens, remind your ex that the professionalism displayed in person and in front of colleagues also applies to email. “No emailing other than work, no discussing personal business in the office,” Acharya writes. “If he/she sends a flirty email, just ignore it and respond to the business-only emails.”

Read the rest of the article here: http://money.usnews.com/money/careers/articles/2013/02/14/how-to-bounce-back-from-an-office-breakup-in-7-steps

Killswitch: The App That Lets You Delete Everything About Your Ex From Facebook

23 Feb

Melysha J. Acharya, author of The Breakup Workbook was quoted in this article:

Breakups are always difficult, but in a digital age, where constant reminders of how happy couples used to be are left lingering on the Internet, the grieving process is even more grueling.

That’s why Boston College graduates Clara de Soto and Erica Mannherz created an app that completely eviscerates the existence of an ex-partner from Facebook with just a few clicks.

The pair developed “Killswitch,” which was perfectly timed to debut in the Apple store on Valentine’s Day, after watching several friends suffer through the pains of breakups and makeups before finding love again.

“We have this one friend—poor girl— who has been unlucky with love, and every time she breaks up with a boyfriend, she deactivates her Facebook account,” said Mannherz, co-founder of ClearHart Digital, a media strategist company run by herself and de Soto.

Mannherz said when her friend manages to muster up the courage to reactivate her account, it is always a minefield going through and seeing jagged shards of a dysfunctional relationship.

“We couldn’t believe there wasn’t a mechanism for this,” she said of the app, which is their first. “We did a lot of research about the best ways to get over something, and the number one answer was out of sight, out of mind. Don’t see them, don’t have reminders, and that’s the best way to breakup—but that’s very nearly impossible in the digital age.”

By downloading “Killswitch,” those suffering from a broken heart can collect data that is tagged with an ex-lover’s name, including posts, photos, videos and status updates, and then delete them forever.

Mannhertz and de Soto describe the app as being able to “seamlessly and discreetly” remove traces of an ex.

“You can select all the information, or you can cherry pick the moments you still want around,” said Mannherz. “It’s a tool to expunge what didn’t work so you can get to working on finding something that will.”

Mannherz said the ideal market for the app is for people fresh out of a relationship, or those who have started anew, and want to clear the old skeletons out of the digital closet.

The app acts as a time saver, not only eliminating pictures of an old flame, but also getting rid of the Facebook “detagging” process.

“You click Killswitch and you leave your phone and 15 minutes later it gives you a congratulatory message,” said Mannherz.

Melysha J. Acharya, founder of BrokenHeartedGirl.com and author of “The Breakup Workbook,” said she agrees with the old adage that “out of sight” is the best way to heal a hurting heart.

Read the rest of the article here: http://bostinno.com/2013/02/14/killswitch-breakup-facebook-app-download/

Ask MJ: “I Want Validation. Am I Missed?”

16 Feb

Dear MJ,

Here’s my issue with NO CONTACT.
 
Recently about a month and six days ago (but who’s counting?) my boyfriend, who was a major loser from the jump, (ex-felon, lazy, narcissistic, but charming) just went MIA after a petty argument. He said some evil things to me via text and from that moment on I decided to do NO CONTACT. I didn’t call or beg him for an explanation. I suffered in my own silence. I just couldn’t bear one moment of me feeling weak or him knowing how much I care.  I had to make him feel like he wasn’t a King.
 
I deactivated my FB account after about a week of not speaking, he saw me online and logged off then posted some subliminal evilness…”when you have something and you lose it, you cant get it back”.  After that, I blocked him and took the time to heal or suffer some more because that comment had me depressed for weeks..I mean I almost had a nervous breakdown from the swift change in the relationship to him not being there, despite him being a major douche. I mean he logged off like we were never together..like he never knew me.
 
PROBLEM:

Even if I know that he wasn’t on my level and probably just wanted to use me etc… I still wish he would text or call. VALIDATION…Yes I know. No contact is for me but I wish I knew that in some way he is affected by my No Contact. That I caught him by surprise because I’m showing that I don’t care. SMH…I will never know what’s going on in someone’s mind, but I just wish I knew if he had forgotten about me. Am I missed?  At this point in my life – especially after how he ended it – I shouldn’t care, but I do. 

-AS

Dear AS,

In my vast experience, people don’t just “forget” you. If you were with him for a bit of time & intimate with him, I’m pretty sure you made an impression. The thing is, it sounds like he’s just as stubborn as you are.

Your ex was, in your own words, a major loser who is an ex-felon, lazy and narcissistic. It baffles me as to why you would need ANY sort of validation from this joker whatsoever. And honestly, the “subliminal evil” he posted should be enough for you to know that you not speaking with him DOES, indeed, bother him. However, if he’s totally narcissistic like you say, then you know that texting him or calling him would just feed into his narcissism and give him validation that YOU miss him. And we don’t want that. Right now, you have the upper hand. If you ever run into this kid again, you can do it with your head held high. You didn’t beg. You didn’t text him. You just said, “You want to break up? Fine. I’ll get over you with dignity.” You should be proud of yourself.

The boy is indifferent. You can basically throw a penny and hit any number of men who will treat you with indifference. And you’ll end up with the same result. You’ll feel used & you’ll feel like you wasted your time on someone who never took you seriously or treated you well. Trust me. I’ve been there too.

So what you need to do is figure out WHY in the first place you would choose to date such a loser. Was it because he was hot? Was it because he was charming? Don’t you think you’d do better to date UP instead of dating down? You know, dating someone who can intellectually stimulate you, who makes you laugh, who makes you feel secure – someone you’d be PROUD to introduce to your parents? Were you in a vulnerable position when you met your ex – is that why you let yourself date him?  That’s the real question. I understand that you’re lonely and you feel like he has forgotten about you because he hasn’t reached out – that’s normal – but I wonder more about why you want THIS particular narcissistic ex-felon to provide you with validation? If I were you, I’d be thanking my lucky stars that he’s no longer in my life and I am free to meet someone on my level or above. Whether or not he wanted to “use” you has nothing to do with it. This is more about you than it is about him. I hope you realize that.

You sound smart. And you’ve done everything right. Unfortunately, a month isn’t all it takes to shake free of someone completely. It takes time, but it also takes work. So figure out why this particular douchebag meant to so much to you. Make some goals for yourself for the future. Stick to them. Let the clock tick and the days go by. Wake up every day feeling proud of yourself for sticking to No Contact. And live your life. As soon as you meet someone better – someone that you’re interested in – I promise you that you’ll be kicking yourself for ever dating this guy in the first place. Don’t give in and break No Contact. Just keep moving forward. He’s not worth it. You’ll understand that as time ticks by. Make sure your email me when you do meet someone new. And make sure that he’s not a lazy, narcissistic, ex-felon.

Feel better,

MJ

MJ is not currently giving advice, however, you can post your problems on BrokenHeartedGirl.com and others who are going through the same thing can help you for free!

Guest Post: Get Out Of Your Breakup Funk with Omega 3 Fatty Acids

13 Feb

This is a guest post from The Versatile Health guys. Check them out at http://www.versatilehealth.com.

So, you’re going through a breakup and it’s getting to be somewhat overwhelming – sound familiar? Well, I hope you’re at least able to keep your cool and cope with everything in a fairly normal fashion. I know it’s tough, but please know that you’re not alone in this arduous struggle for sanity. Many of us have been there and know how hard it can b

As we all know, breakups can be rough – I know from personal experience as well. I hate to say it, but I have become quite accustomed to this ‘down and out’ feeling in the past – definitely not fun! Yet, even through all of the pain, all of the sadness, I was able to implement some pretty awesome ‘tips and tricks’ to help my slightly depressive state at the time. So grab that note pad and pen because I’m about to hook you up with some great information on how to deal with all that!

Omega 3 Fatty Acids For Mental Stability:

So why omega 3? And what is this stuff anyway? Good questions and I’m going to list them right now. Our ‘omega 3 fatty acid facts’ are as follows:

  • They’re found in fish oil (like that of Krill and Cod).
  • Studies prove that those who supplement with fish oil can actually cure their depression. I swear this is 100% the truth. Hit us up if you want access to the studies we came across.
  • Fish oil is high in DHA and EPA – two fatty acids that are vital for mental and physical health.
  • DHA is a vital component of cell membrane and neurological health.
  • Omega 3 fatty acids can influence one’s mood and overall behavior.

Do these facts sound important? I’d say so! With omega 3 fatty acids, are other fats, which are also vital for mental well-being. What’s crazy is that most people are WAY under their adequate omega 3 levels! This needs to change if you want to feel better.

Look, we all know depression is horrible – no big surprise there. What we’re trying to do is allow people to explore different avenues when treating this disease (yes, I said disease). Because the truth is that options are out there! And luckily for you, we have your back 100%.

So these are our fatty facts. We’ve literally just touched the surface on this subject so if you have any further questions, feel free to hit us up! We literally have dozens more tips so don’t hesitate to ask us anything, we’re only here to help. Even if you just want to say ‘hi,’ we’re here for you!

Once again, I just scratched the surface here, If you want more information, feel free to click this link! Here, you’ll be able to download our FREE eBooks and bonus video so you can get your health and life in check ASAP! If you’re going through a break up, or are just trying to feel better overall, our products will help. And the best part is that they’re all FREE! But only for a limited time so don’t miss out!

Thank you so much for checking out this post! We truly hope this breakup of yours is something you can overcome and conquer with ease. If you take what we have talked about today and start implementing it ASAP, you WILL feel a dramatic difference – science proves it to be true. So experiment with yourself and let us know how it went.

Stay up and stay healthy. Much love.

-       Joey and Chris (The Versatile Health guys)

www.versatilehealth.com

 

Brokenheartedgirl.com does not necessarily endorse the products and services listed in the blog above. However, we have checked into it and Omega 3 Fatty Acids will definitely help with mood & overall behavior. :)

All Your Speed Dating Questions Answered.

19 Oct

Speed dating. Two words that spark a ton of questions:

  • How much does it cost?
  • What kind of people go to these events?
  • What kind of girl does speed dating?
  • What kind of guy does speed dating?
  • How desperate do I seem if I go to an event?
  • What if I hate it?
  • What if nobody picks me?

I’ve always wanted to do it. I’ve never tried it. I’m a breakup recovery expert, so really, what business do I have trying to help people date? I did, however, get the chance to host an event in Boston the other night (for a friend who was ill) and I wanted to share my observations with you. Hopefully some of these observations will help you decide whether or not speed dating is for you.

Cost:

Speed dating can cost anywhere from $10 to $50, depending on whether cocktails and appetizers are included. Generally if you do not meet a match, you will receive a coupon for a free event in the future – so you’re not wasting your money by simply trying it out.

How It Works:

  • Show up at the event (a little early if possible) dressed business-casual.
  • Find the registration table, sign in, grab your dating card, put on your name-tag & head to the bar for a drink.
  • At the designated time (usually 15 minutes after event start-time) sit at your designated table.
  • Get your card out. With each date, you will write down the name of the person you spoke to and a simple Yes or No.
  • Generally women remain seated at the table, and the men rotate every 3, 5, or 10 minutes.
  • Chat nicely with each person you meet & try to make the best impression you can!
  • When the event is over, hand your card to the event manager and head home.
  • Usually within 48 hours, you will receive an email with your MUTUAL matches. This means that both of you indicated an interest.
  • It is then up to you to email your mutual interests to set up your date.

The People Who Show:

  • The most amazing, smart, professional, beautiful women are at speed dating events.  I met a lawyer, an accountant, a ballroom dance teacher (and more!) at the event I hosted. These women were all gorgeous, all had something to say, and all were totally in shape and dressed to the 9’s.  I was highly impressed.
  • The guys were all nice, but there weren’t enough of them! According to my roster, a lot of men signed up for the event, but just never showed. Not sure if it’s because there’s a stigma attached to speed dating, or they had to work late, or what the deal was…but there were not enough men-to-women at the event I hosted, so I ended up dragging people over from the bar.

(Lack of) Desperation:

I didn’t think that any of the people who showed at the event appeared desperate. It seemed to me that everyone had a life, but perhaps were too busy working, or perhaps too shy to approach someone in public (okay, I’m mostly talking about the guys here – the girls were mostly outgoing), or just hate the bar scene.

The Ones Who (Thankfully) Got Away:

While most of the people were really awesome & there for the right reasons…there were 2 women with an “I’m too good for this” attitude. They made everyone in the room uncomfortable – including me. They ended up leaving before the event started anyway…and honestly, I was grateful for it…and so was everyone else.

Pointers:

  • If you’re going to speed date, go in with a positive attitude.
  • If the attendees aren’t the “type” of people you would normally date, then use the situation to practice your listening skills, or your interview skills, or just social skills in general.
  • Ask questions.
  • Smile.
  • Listen (this is the most important!).
  • Shake hands (don’t hug – it’s awkward).
  • Keep in mind that if you don’t get any matches, you generally get a coupon to try it again for free another time.
  • Also keep in mind that if you don’t get any matches – it doesn’t mean that nobody was interested in you. You are only told your MUTUAL matches. So try to stay positive.

And my final observation: If you’re a guy and you’re looking for a relationship – TRY SPEED DATING!  Again, the women I met were amazing and I think it’s a gold mine for men who are actively looking for a relationship.

I’m not actually trying to promote a speed-dating service – I just filled in for a friend – so I don’t have any specific links to give. But if you want to try it, check out Meetup.com for an event near you!

Have you ever tried speed dating?  If so, how was it?

Facebook Boundaries?

16 Jul

Whether I like it or not, Facebook is now a part of my daily life and it is the main way in which I interact with my friends. This is the medium in which I find out people are pregnant, engaged, newly single, moving, getting a promotion, or other life-changing experiences. For me, it is a free and easy way to keep tabs on my friends as I grew up overseas and the majority of those friends live in different countries. For me, Facebook is just that – a way to keep in touch with my friends. It’s a place where I can vent, bitch, moan and be happy without being perpetually judged by strangers. But for others, it’s a space where a relationship is managed and measured by not only their “In a relationship with…” status, but also by the amount of communication, including public comments made on walls, pictures & videos. For yet others, it is a good way to keep tabs on someone – and the people with whom they speak – to  make sure no funny business is going on. And since we found out that 20% of divorces are initiated because of Facebook, I’d say that’s a pretty valid reason.

Facebook is a world with no boundaries, real etiquette rules, or laws by which to abide. It’s the wild-wild-west for relationships, friendships and casual acquaintances and everyone is free to do as they please – at least until they are deleted or blocked. But should there be boundaries? Should there be expectations placed on your Facebook friends in regards to relationships, comments, etiquette and more? Or do expectations just hinder the idea of having a free and open place to share your life with the people who matter to you most, as frequently or infrequently as you please?

A man posted on BrokenHeartedGirl.com a few months ago that one of the primary reasons he broke up with his girlfriend is because she didn’t ever look at his Facebook page. He said he felt like she didn’t care about him as much as she should because she never commented on his wall, or on his pictures and didn’t keep up with his posts as much as he did with hers. She claimed that she wanted to get to know him in person rather than on his wall, but to him, this just meant that she wasn’t interested enough in what he was doing when they were not together.

He, being a person in touch with his feelings, actually brought this up to her and shared that it made him feel  hurt that she didn’t go through his photos, or comment on his status when he knew she was on Facebook. But, again, she just said she’d rather deal with him in real life. That was one of her boundaries.

And so, he changed his status from, “In a relationship with…” to “Single” and has tried really hard not to look back, because sharing publicly is well within his boundary line. They just didn’t see eye-to-eye on that one.  

 It seems like an asinine thing to say, “The frequency and context of Facebook comments matter!” But, to those of us on Facebook, they do: I remember a conversation I had with a group of friends a few weeks ago. One friend said to another, “I really like him. I just don’t know how he feels about me.” Another friend said to her, “Well, he is always commenting on your Facebook wall. He must at least care about you to do that!”

And I thought, “Wow, what a silly thing to say!” But, as I started to think about it, I thought that her idea really did have some merit. I always notice when people comment on my wall. And I always notice when people don’t. Those little comments can really boost or hinder your self-esteem if the people who comment are important to you – and if the comments you’ve made are important to you. For example, if I write, “I’m having a bad day!” and the guy I love comments back with, “I’m sorry. I’ll bring you a bottle of wine after work,” I think that’d make me pretty giddy. But if I wrote that and didn’t hear anything from him about it, nor receive a phone call later that day – if I knew he was on Facebook – I’d be pretty disappointed. It may be silly, but it’s still true.

Just as everyone has a different personality and comfort zone in real life, everyone has their own Facebook comfort zones. For me, one of the boundaries I created for myself is that I won’t become FB friends with anyone I’m casually dating. I just don’t see the good that can come out of it, unless you’re already in a committed relationship. Here’s why:

I was seeing a guy for a time who I thought was really great. And we weren’t “In a relationship with…” on Facebook, but we were definitely spending quite a bit of time together in real life. I was really excited when we took pictures together a few months into seeing each other and I asked him point blank, “Can I tag you in these?”  He said, “Sure.” And so, a few days later, when I did tag him in the pictures, he not only untagged them immediately, but he changed all of his photo settings so nobody can tag him in any pictures. My immediate reaction was one of hurt (I cried) and then it was anger, because his action begged the question: “What do I do now?” I sincerely stink at relationships and I didn’t know the proper etiquette for un-tagging. So I didn’t do anything and just let it sink in my stomach. And eventually, one day, someone commented on something he wrote and I saw that her profile picture was of the two of them.  And eventually he admitted to me that he was in love with her – and not with me – and that ended pretty badly.

And so now I’m not friends with anyone I’m casually dating on Facebook. That one lesson was so poignant that I’ll never forget it.

But there are also boundaries that people create, even with those people they aren’t dating; strangers, who are friends by-proxy, for example:

There have been times in my Facebook world where people I don’t actually know in real life have invited me to be “friends” simply because I commented on something in a sports forum, or Tweeted about something I thought was funny. In those cases, if I have already had extensive conversations with those people and they send me a Facebook friend request, I’ll definitely add them to my list. But then, what happens when one of their friends – someone I don’t know – friend requests me? It may be a guy who thinks I am cute and wants to ask me on a date? Or someone who heard about my book who wants to ask me a question? Luckily, I have a fan page and a website for those fans, but with people I don’t actually know, I do have considerations to make: Who is this person? Do I want them to know everything about me? If I decline, what can I say so that they don’t think I’m the biggest jerk in the world? What’s the proper etiquette? I don’t want to feel uncomfortable in my Facebook world, but I don’t want to upset anyone either.  I am still working on that on a case-by-case basis and discovering my boundaries as I go.

On one weekend about 2 months ago, I received 4 Facebook requests from complete strangers who had absolutely no connection to me whatsoever.  I had just changed my Facebook photo from a particularly normal one to a picture that featured me in this skimpy black dress. I complained about this to one of my male friends who told me, “You can’t have it both ways, MJ. When you put a picture like that up, you’re inviting people to look at you.” And he was right. The type of pictures I choose to put on my profile are also something to consider when thinking about boundaries. Of course, I didn’t accept any of those friend-requests and didn’t feel badly about it either, because one of the only hard & fast rules of Facebook is that you don’t have to be friends with people you don’t know.

So, what are your Facebook boundaries? How do you filter in your friend requests? Do you Facebook friend people you’re casually dating? How seriously do you take Facebook comments? Let me know!

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